…To Get Things Done
Hey if you are an engineer, scientist, or technical professional you probably are like me. You spent a lot of time in math and science classes at University and didn’t really have time to focus on people skills, aside from maybe going to an occasional party or two. But in every technical careers there comes a time when we can no longer progress without strong skills for working with others. And by the time we reach the leadership role we are expected to be competent even when other people don’t always make it easy for us.
Today you are in luck, you are going to learn how to get more cooperation from people.
Remember in physics how two circuits or two pendulums can be coupled together to affect one another? Well in many basic ways people are like those coupled oscillators. We can either transfer energy between one another in an efficient and intended manner or we can dampen one another, stopping much of anything from happening. Which you choose to do depends upon how you set up the configuration of the system and what your intentions are.
As you will remember the length of coupled pendula determines the rate at which they will oscillate. If two pendula are of similar lengths they will tend to transfer energy easily from one to another. In an analogous way, the more similar two people are, the more easily they get along with one another. In a physical or electrical system we call this resonance. Between people it is usually called Rapport.
As weird as the may sound, if you match a person’s posture, rhythms, voice tone and volume, you will make it easier for them to understand and appreciate you. It is like you are reducing the amount of resistance or friction in the system. If you mis-match characteristics you will increase the resistance and dampen the results. Mismatch them enough and you may even begin to generate heat (anger). Okay, perhaps that is taking the metaphor a bit far.
Oddly enough though, this analogy works quite well in dealing with people. Try putting your body into the same posture as the persons you are talking to. Match their keywords or key interests. You will be surprised at how friendly to your ideas they become. But the next time someone you don’t want to be friendly with tries to sidle up in a smarmy way, try mismatching their pace, rhythms, and topics. It may create a moment of awkwardness but it will definitely dampen their enthusiasm and make it more difficult for them to keep on trying to sell you on their program without consideration for yours.
Where this becomes more valuable is when you practice it enough that you can use it in difficult situations at work or in home life. Most communication problems and interpersonal problems go back to some form of being out of Rapport. If you watch the people who inherently have great people skills they unconsciously know how to do match the people that are important to getting their tasks done. And young lovers will often match each other automatically as part of that early stage of love. Watch them in restaurants. One will lean in and the other will follow suit.
This is the magic of these human coupled oscillating circuits, once you are in rapport for a few moments the other person will generally follow your lead if make a change. That way you can start by matching a person for a little while then lead them to think about what you need them to consider and things will go a lot smoother than if you had just brusquely started off with your own rhythm.
To be creative you may want to follow the beat of a different drummer as Henry David Thoreau said, but if you need to get things done through other people, it can be very useful to begin by picking up on their rhythm for a little while before introducing some new beats of your own that they will easily want to follow.
If you are interested in practice exercises to master this skill set or in learning more people skill tips that will help you work better with people and become the sort of person they naturally like to follow, then we can help. Contact us at 512-507-5464 to get a catalog of our courses, workshops, trainings, and coaching.
