Tip of the Week – How to Calm the Raging Beasts
When a co-worker is getting emotional it is usually because they don’t feel like they are being respected. This may not be true, but if you carry on without helping them regain composure first you are asking for confusion, miscommunication, and problems down the road. Start by matching their emotional volume and tone of voice while acknowledging what you already can guess about their feelings. Then ask whether you understand their immediate needs.
“Sounds like you are really angry right now, Joe! Is that because you have a need to make sure we do this with quality?“
You will probably get one or the other of their feelings or needs wrong. But that is okay because they will correct you.
“Damned right I am mad; I feel like we never really take care of our customers around here. After all they are the ones I have to deal with all day everyday, and they pay our bills.”
As soon as they tell you what they are feeling or what their need is, feed it back to them again.
“So you are mad because we don’t take care of our customers the way that you believe would be right — is that it?“
Notice the “tag question” at the end that re-verifies that you really did understand them. This helps to re-establish simpatico between you, doesn’t it? Good rapport is based upon feeling like you are similar to the person you are interacting with. It is that feeling that we understand each other and basically come from similar values, so I believe I can trust you.
When people feel heard, they feel better and think more highly of you because they know you listened. They are more likely to cooperate or at least go along with you. You can improve this by trying to understand where they are coming from as well as by matching their values, their way of talking, and the rhythms and postures of their body. Experiment with this and see if it doesn’t get really great results.
If you, or people you work with, have problems with people, Technical Leadership Skills can help! Give us a call at 512-507-5464. We are glad to answer any questions. While you are on the line, ask for our free report on The Foundations of People Skills. Since the main reason people lose their jobs is over people issues, the career you save may be your own. Give us a ring.
